Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Char's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 21st, 2005
6:31 am	Wowzers.... It's been quite along time since I've updated THIS journal.I suppose all my old lj friends have thought I'd abandoned them! Things are going not so smo0thly right now but hopefully will get better.If not then I'm screwed.We did our drama exam yesturday that went ok I guess.Well not much more to say! Current Mood: tired Current Music: cradle of filth - nymphetamine (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
10:48 am	Breathe In Scream Out.... Im so fucking pissed off and I have no idea why.Seems like Im always mad or depressed now-a-days.Pfft I dont even know whats going on inside of my head.I just cant wait for Kyle to come back he'll make me happier.My councellor doesnt know shit she's so ANNOYING gahh! I tell her how I feel and shes like what exactly does that mean? Can you describe that word for me? Hmmmmmmm. GAHHHHH!! I just want to strangle her or hit her over the head with her stupid note pad.I shouldnt be saying these things I know but I cant help it and plus Ive got to write them down somewhere dont I? +Sighs+ She doesn't help very much but maybe she will someday.I guess I dont help much when my mind wanders off.Usually while she talks I just lo0k at her and then I think to myself I wonder what she'd lo0k like bald? Cause she has such a small skinny head and lots of hair so Im just like hmm and then while shes talking I try not to laugh.I dont mean to it just happens I have a short attention span.I seriously think I have ADD cause I try so hard to pay attention but after while Im just like laa dee daaa.Well not EXACTLY like that but you get it.(8)Die motherfucker die motherfucker die(8). The only go0d things right now are my friends and the cat that we got yesturday his name is Lee♥ he's really cute.Bleh.(8)We pushed our buttons far inside We tear our hearts out THEN WE FIGHT(8) Love that song so much. Everthing Ive Known - Korn.I dont know whats wrong with me shit.Oh well. Current Mood: confused Current Music: everything ive known - korn (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 29th, 2004
10:27 am	History Really Does Repeat Itself.... My mother is such a fucking liar.She went out at 7 for a "coffee date" which was supposed to end in an hour or so.Around 11 I get a phone call saying Honey Im having a few drinks (which means im drunk) and Ill be home later.I was like yeah fuck you too.So now I realise she doesnt want help and shes just as bad as she says other people are.She doesnt care about how I feel or how anybody else would.Its all about her and Im sick of being treated like shit.Im fucking tired and hungry Ill write later. Current Mood: angry Current Music: the ricki lake show .. haha yea.. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
8:46 am	Bonjour Kiddies..... 1.) Copy and paste this into your journal:1.) Copy and paste this into your journal: <*font color="yourusername"> <*b>yourusername<*/b> <*/font> taintdlove666 2.) (Eliminate the asterisks) 3.) See what color you are (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
11:36 am	Breathe In The Fumes Live Like A Teenage Christ Im A Saint Got A Date With Suicide. Your world is an ashtray (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 13th, 2004
11:53 am	How would you do on American Idol? by geela Name Age Simon says I'm speechless Paula says I could listen all day Randy says Keep practicing Success level Top 8 Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
8:58 am	Hello There My Old Friend.... Wow I haven't written in here in YEARS well maybe not years but still.Not much to say ... I keep this journal because it has so many of my old entries I don't want to let them go.Corny but oh well what ya gonna do? My cat is being strange and he follows me everywhere mehbay he thinks I'm sexay! LoL I highly doubt that but oh wells ... this 4 day weekend thing kicks ass got some easter chocolate not much but meh. Going to go now ... Current Mood: tired Current Music: spongebob on tv (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 1st, 2004
4:17 pm	Does Anything Really Matter Anymore? * * To Somebody Close To Me * * Take it for what its worth for in the end you'll toss it away without regret.You'll forget everything and anything that ever mean't anything to you.The only person you want to please is yourself and your going about that the wrong way let me tell you. Your trying to find happiness in what can only bring pain to you and everyone around you. Countless amounts of people have tried to help you and ease your pain and you've taken it all and given nothing back but broken hearts and scarred wrists. What will it take to make you realise what your doing is wrong and hurtful? Maybe some day you'll realise before it's to late. But personally I think that's not bloody likely. When your out doing what you please just remember she's at home wishing her life away... Current Mood: curious Current Music: matchbox 20/santana - smooth (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 29th, 2004
7:36 pm	Look At The Stars .... Do you remember the times where I'd go out on the balcony and just stare at the stars? Wishing my life was different? You'd come out and help me by talking to me I don't remember the conversations we'd have but I remember I'd feel much better. When you were with her and me it felt like a family but things changed drastically so nothing could ever be the same but since my flashback all I have to do is look at the stars and I remember the good times we'd all have together and that makes life seem alright cause I know you'd be there calling me by my old nickname and saying something real comforting and give me a hug. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: goldfinger - counting the days (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 26th, 2004
5:36 pm	Hold On Tight Spin Around ...... I'm living one day at a time now with only a few friends I've chosen to stay close to and my boyfriend.The only family member I want is my mother everybody else in my family can go fuck themselves +smiles+ I've learned that people even in your own family are only out for themselves they don't care who they hurt in the process of getting what they want or they just use you for their own benefits.I've learned also that you have to deal with getting left behind.It feels like my sister and my brother have left me behind so I'm left dealing with that.Furthermore I do not trust many people anymore and keep things to myself.Now my time with my boyfriend has been fucking killed wow the world just loves to fuck me over.My mother tells me I'm dramatic well that's to fucking bad for her maybe she just doesn't realise what's going on inside of my head? Or maybe I just am... Oh well ... Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: trapt - headstrong (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
8:28 pm	Forever And Always I'll Be Invisible ... To You..... Been sick for awhile which sucks first time I went to the docs he told me it was just a virus but it got worse and now Im going again tommorow cause my throat KILLS and yeah heh ... lots of stuff has been happening lately ... lots of people havent been around for awhile ... like my sister havent seen her for a month now I just think shes to busy for me now cause she has her boyfriend and her other friends and I just feel replaced with her other best friend so I just give up when she wants to chill with me she can call me or something I unno. It hurts to feel that way but I can't do anything more cause Ive tried to get together with her but it never works out cause shes either doing her homework or something =( ... and Ive been depressed and oi ... but I really dont think many people care I know that there are 4 people who do... My Boyfriend 2 of my best friends *One Guy and one girl from my highsko0l you know who you are +hugs+* And I hope my sister does cause I miss her alot =( *hugs* Not much more to say ... Current Mood: sick Current Music: sarach mclaughlin *or however u spell it* - fallen (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
8:04 pm	Am I Even Fucking There? I had a shitty night out with my dad yesturday ... he was threatening me and all and today I was crying during third cause it kept coming back to me so I skipped ... I told my mom all of this and then I told her I dont want her boyfriend here today cause of how Im feeling and at first she didnt give a fuck then she got back from her walk ... and told me that he wasnt gunna come over and she was gunna call him and tell him not to come ... well she did one fucking thing she called him ... BUT all she said in the message she left was call me back ... then he called at 7 told her he was here and SUPPOSEDLY it was "late" so he had to stay over so she can go fuck herself Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: linkin park - numb (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:41 pm	Why Don't You Slide? Well well ... been along time I think ... hmm ... been depressed skipped lots of classes ... cried ... gotten into mo0ds nobody but one of my best friends,other friend and my boyfriend seemed to notice and care... oh well ... i miss my other friends ... like my brother but it doesnt seem like they really give a damn ... heh ... i have had a sore throat for along time and an ear ache AND a head ache ... hmm ... life isnt nice and ive been puttin alot of dots in between my writing ... oh well ... Current Mood: in pain Current Music: none i have a headache (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
5:36 pm	Electrifying! I'm extremely happy! I got to see my boyfriend today +grins+ and we had an awesome day BUT unfortunately I'm sick and we kissed and yeah I think I gave it to him but he can't say I didn't warn him!! I feel like crap and yeah I miss my sister it feels like we're growing apart cause yeah we don't hang out as much anymore.And I can't do much cause I'm still going through depression and yeah.Now I'm not as happy I'm really tired and I feel sad ... why does this always happen? Current Mood: blah Current Music: blink 182 - i miss you (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 14th, 2004
7:00 pm	Have You Forgotten Who I Am? I saw my best friend today ... I haven't seen her in over a year and it was just so strange.It was fun but it was strange and like you don't know how much you miss someone until you finally see them again.I'm so depressed even after a go0d day.All I want to do is cry cause it hurts so bad and I just want to be with friends but my sister is with her boyfriend and her best friend so yeah.Oh well I never see them anymore anyways.I was talking to a go0d friend earlier on today and I was telling him how I feel like no one cares about me I feel like that now like only a select few still give a damn about me like my boyfriend and a few friends.That's it to everyone else I could just die and they wouldn't care.Life sucks and I just can't stand it I'm getting very anti-social and yeah so much more.I just want it all to end... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: evanescence - my last breath (Comment on this)
Friday, February 13th, 2004
9:57 pm	Take My Hand And Lead Me To Paradise.... Today was just amazing.The whole day with my boyfriend we had so much fun ... we cuddled,watched a movie and kissed and ate supper together lol it was just so tute!! We had like these little valentine's day cupcakes and on his there was this little red plastic button that said be my valentine and he gave it to me and told me to read it and it was just cute lol.I love him so much +hugs b/f+ Now I'm in the mo0d for valentine's day.I'm just so inlove lol. =D Current Mood: loved Current Music: belinda carlisle - i get weak (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
9:41 pm	Waiting To Fall.... For the past two weeks I've been so depressed and I still am and well I'm every negative emotion ... life isn't go0d right now and I'm just trying to get by.I'm causing my boyfriend alot of pain cause he's worrying about me every step of the way.I love him but I just can't bare to see him that way but I can't stop the path I'm going down cause I need to hit rock bottom to get back up again and I haven't hit yet and I don't know how or when I will but I will and when I do things are going to change but until then I'm stuck this way and I'm trying to change a bit to ease my boyfriend's pain.Like I'm living day by day here wondering how worse can this possibly get? I don't think anyone can understand me right now. Some wounds just don't heal like the cuts on my wrists.And like the emotional pain I've been through.I'll never forget what's happened to me.I don't know how to deal with life anymore I'm scared that I'll end up like my father or my mother and they didn't turn out well.Except that my mother ... is usually a really great mom.But w0w we've had some bad times.And those are really bad times that can't be forgotten.I've tried to commit suicide alot of times.My mother is starting to piss me off she thinks I'm feeling sorry myself ... maybe I am? I don't know but she doesn't understand me at all and she's made me cry.I hate her I just want to get as far away from her as possible.I take back what I said she isn't a great mom.She's just like my father only a TAD better.Cause she's like oh in two weeks your sister and her mom are coming over *cause her mom is my moms best friend and yeah* and I was like ok and she said to me that she's going to rent movies and since I've been getting really anti-social I was like okay I don't feel like being around people that much anymore and she SPAZZED on me so I was like well that's how I feel.And then I started crying and she left the ro0m and she told me to come talk to her and she was going on about how she's sorry for everything that happened last year and she said sit down and I said no I can't I don't want to sit and she got all pissy and she's like what are you trying to be difficult? And I was just like no I just don't want to sit down. And she paused to calm herself or whatever the fuck she was doing and went on.God she pisses me off it's like yeah mom I'm delibaretly trying to make EVERYTHING SO FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR YOU!!! You stupid bitch you don't even know what's going on with me. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: trapt - headstrong (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
3:36 pm	Today was a go0d day hung out with some friends and my boyfriend after scho0l they made me laugh which was go0d cause I havent done that in awhile and yeah...My boyfriend got mad at me a few times today cause I can't keep my mouth shut or something honestly half the things I say I don't mean he really has to realize that.But yeah if he reads this Im sorry! I had a MEGA mo0d walking home thou it creeped me out cause I had been so happy and laughing then I went mega pissed off.But yeah I'm ok now kinda hyper dunno lol.I think my boyfriend is mega pissed at me cause at one point before he left he gave me an EVIL lo0k and was like shut up so I just was like wh0a = | ... but yeah I'm gonna end this before I get all mo0dy again heh Current Mood: good Current Music: blink 182 - girl at the rock show (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
5:59 pm	Pull The Trigger Damn You... I dont know Im in another mo0d this one is a frustrated/angry one. Im really hating life right now so heres what I have to say to the whole damn world ........... FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: pink - just like a pill (Comment on this)
10:40 am	I'll Confess This .... I've actually come to my senses abit...I had a nap and am thinking about taking another one.Still dislike my mother alot and will until I can sit her down and talk to her just me and her.But I know she won't be able to understand she'll think I'm being stupid or whatever.I wish her boyfriend would just leave,they spent the whole weekend together and I wasn't home and I don't get to spend alot of time with my mother any more and I'd like to atleast be able to talk to her without him sticking to her like white on rice.It's not that they're in love cause if they were it'd be co0l but that's not the case.So yeah...I think I'll go have that nap now ... Current Mood: tired Current Music: the ataris - boys of the summer (2 Comments |Comment on this)